I wasnt enough

I have felt a myriad of emotions since Tuesday night. That sinking abysmal feeling as results kept pouring in. Disappointment, anger, resentment as the next morning rolled around. I felt buoyant hope as students poured out of classrooms to protest and learning that the bulk of the 18-25 vote throughout the country went to Clinton. I felt fear as rising incidents of racism happened around the country. I felt shame every time I looked at my child.I felt paranoia when talking to my husband about how we should prepare for the racist days ahead.

Most of all though, the feeling I have experienced the most, the one that weighs me down is helplessness and knowing I was not enough. I voted. I did my civic duty and that was not enough. I pled on social media that everyone should vote. I harassed my family to go vote and that was not enough. All those nasty women that proudly voted, All those stickers on suffragettes, all of us, we were not enough.

Where do we go from here? We take deep breaths, we fight for our liberties and equality. We stand up for those around us that are being bullied. We do more, We be More, because what I did, who I was, it was not enough.

My husband honestly believes that in a few weeks the violence, the outrage, the protests will die down and America will return to life as usual. He believes that with it everything I am feeling will dull down. I keep explaining to him that maybe in the past that might have been true. However, Everytime my child looks at me, I hold myself to more. This isnt about my fear, my rights, this is about hers. This is about the future I want her to have. No it wont die down. No it wont change, I wont let it and if you believe for a single second that America is for all Americans, for every community to live in equality and peace, you shouldnt either.

Our Voting wasnt enough, the bigots outmaneuvered us due to the Electoral College.

Taking the High road wasnt enough, they cut our legs out from under us when they went Low by spreading lies, bigotry and stoking people’s fear. We expected people to do the right thing, but America went into the polling booths and did no such thing.

We need to do more, we need to do better and we need to hold ourselves to more. They will fight dirty, we have to be willing to give people the means to sift through the mud that is being flung in all directions. I need to do more, I am not sure how, I am not sure where to start but I need to do more.

The next few years arent just going to be about explaining to my child why our President’s policies are against her as a woman or as a minority. It might even be about keeping her from bodily harm. I might have to protect her from those that want to hurt her for the color of her skin, for her gender and to hold her back. She will have to fight twice as hard as a girl and one of color. Therefore I have to fight harder for her to give her the equal playing field that our government no longer will.

It was not enough to vote, I have to do more. I was not enough this time and I failed my child, I failed me and I failed so many other children, women. I am not sure what, but I have to do more.

Note: to trolls comments are moderated so dont even bother trying.

 

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2 thoughts on “I wasnt enough

  1. I echo what Adi said: you ARE enough. We will figure this out.

    For you and your daughter’s sake, I’ll keep fighting. Some days, like today, I don’t know the fuck how, but I will. I love you, my friend.

    (Sorry it took me so long to get to this. I suck.)

    Like

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