The words I choose

I wrote a blog post about the word Pretty, how I felt about it, how I felt about constantly telling my daughter that she was pretty or things she wore were pretty.

My husband and I disagreed, he wants to be able to tell her she is pretty on occasion and maybe he should? Maybe this will build self esteem? I am not sure I know what I am doing here.

However, that made me realize, how often do I tell her other things. How often do I tell her she is smart, she is brave, she is courageous, she is nimble, she is strong.

I realized that even though I want her to know these things, I am not saying them out loud. I am not re-inforcing these ideas. Why not?

I tell her she is adorable, I tell her she is my baby, I tell her she is cute. I know she absorbs this because she goes baby when I have that look on her face, she knows I am about to say ohh my baby and give her a tight hug. I know she absorbs this because she sees the look on my face and asks stop? Yes you should stop you know you arent supposed to play with that.

So why dont I? I am about to start reading a book called the Feminist’s guide to raising a princess. She loves girly things and I want her to know she is more than that should she choose to be. But Why am I not using it as words?

For 2018 I pledge to consciously re-inforce this through my actions and words because she is brave and fearless when she climbs on to the monkey bars in class or demonstrates a new gymnastics move with the teacher for the other kids (including boys). She is strong when she gets back up again after a fall and goes right back to running. She is fearless when the idea of climbing over something doesnt scare her. She is smart when she finds ways to go around me to do what she wants. She marches to her own tune, she dances to her own moves and if I want her to know just how amazing she is. Maybe I ought to tell her more.


One thought on “The words I choose

  1. One thing I feel like I’m doing right (out of so many questionable choices..) is praising ACTION over BEING. I was always told how smart I was growing up, and it made me feel like if things weren’t easy, I should give up, because I’m smart so they SHOULD be. I feel like if I’d been told, “I can see how hard you worked on this, you didn’t give up when you hit a roadblock, great job!” it would’ve reinforced to me that work isn’t failure; it’s not shameful to have to try. Anyway, that’s why, years ago, I made the decision to try and praise kids for what they do, and the efforts they make.

    But I’m with you on pretty. We are told from every angle that pretty is all the worth we can hope to have. It’s not as simple as a compliment.


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